Ä Area: A-Jokes ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
  Msg#: 154                                          Date: 07-22-93  01:15
  From: Sandy Illes                                  Read: Yes    Replied: No 
    To: All                                          Mark:                     
  Subj: FINALLY... SOME JOKES!
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
ŚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄæ
³ JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES ³
ĄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄŁ

   An old man went to the doctor to get a checkup.  Because his hearing
   was bad he brought along his wife.  The doctor examined him and said
   that he needed a stool sample, semen sample and urine sample.

   "What did the doctor say, dear?" asked the old fellow.

   Wife:  "You have to give him your shorts!"
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All his life Mr. Steinberg had labored and labored to make a success of
his nail manufacturing company. He never could take a vacation. Finally
his son turned 21 and he thought he could trust the company to him for a
well-deserved 2 week vacation. He arrived back in town and saw a
billboard on the outskirts of the city. It had a picture of Jesus on the
cross and the caption: Use Steinberg's Nails.

Furious, our hero drove to the office and yelled at his son: "You are
making us a laughing stock in the community. The 'goyim' will hate us
and never buy our nails again. I'll tell you what: I'll leave for one
more week. You are in charge. You will rectify the situation."

Steinberg left and returned a week later. The billboard was changed. Now
it had an empty cross, with a body lying on the ground in front of it.
The caption: They should have used Steinberg's nails.
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Everyone was wondering why, everywhere The Clinton's went, Hilary
wore a big, floppy, turtleneck sweater.  Someone finally asked
Bill, who replied, "It's so people won't see her Adam's Apple
moving when I talk."
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Guidelines for good writing:

- Subject and verb always has to agree.
- Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate English quid pro
  quo.
- It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
- Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it
  effectively.
- Avoid cliches like the plague.
- Mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and should be thrown out the
  window.
- Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
- Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
- Consult a dictionary frequently to avoid mispelling.
- Don't be redundant.
- Don't repeat yourself or say what you have said before.
- Remember to never split an infinitive.
- The passive voice should not be used.
- Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
  needed.
- Don't use no double negatives.
- Proofread carefully to see if you have any words out.
- Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others
  use them.
- Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
- Avoid colloquial stuff.
- No sentence fragments.
- Remember to finish what
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The old man came to the gates of heaven and was met by Jesus.
"What do you seek here old man ?" asked Jesus.
"I come here to seek my son. " replied the old man.
"How shall you know your son old man ?" asked Jesus.
"Through his experience on Earth he shall have holes throgh his hands
and holes through his feet," the old man said.
Jesus exlaimed, "Father! Father!"
And the old man said, "Pinocchio! Pinocchio!"
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