Ä Area: N-COMEDY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
  Msg#: 448                                          Date: 04-16-94  12:01
  From: Rudy Boghina                                 Read: Yes    Replied: No 
    To: All                                          Mark:                     
  Subj: Chicken Philosophy.  1/ 3
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ


                     Why did the chicken cross the road?
                    *************************************

Aristotle: "To actualize its potential".

Roseanne Barr: "Urrrrrp.  What chicken?"

Roland Barthes: "The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road."

Wolfgang von Beethoven: "What?  Speak up".

Bill the Cat: "Oop Ack?!?  Pffpthpt!!"

Leopold Bloom: "Wonder why chickens cross roads.  Must be some law.  
               Migration maybe.  Mrs. Marion Bloom."

Molly Bloom:  "The chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why. Why 
              do you worry about such stupid bloody things? O, speaking of 
              stupid bloody things here it comes again. Damn it its only 
              been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me 
              yes."

Buddha: "If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature."

George Bush: "To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights."

Caesar: "To come, to see, to conquer."

Candide: "To cultivate its garden."

Joseph Conrad:  "Mistah Chicken, he dead."

Howard Cosell: "It may very well have been one of the most astonishing 
                events to grace the annals of history.  An historic, 
                unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt 
                such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo 
                sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence!"

Salvador Dali: "The fish."

Darwin: "It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees."

Thomas Dequincy:  "Because it ran out of opium."

Jacques Derrida:  What is the *differance*?  The chicken was merely deferring
                  from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the 
                  idea of the chicken in the first place?  Does it exist 
                  outside of language?"

Rene Descartes: "It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway."

Emily Dickinson: "Because it could not stop for death."

Bob Dylan:  "How many roads must one chicken cross?"

T.S. Eliot:  "Weialala leia / Wallala leialala."

T.S. Eliot (revisited):  "Do I dare to cross the road?"

Ralph Waldo Emerson:  "It didn't cross the road; it transcended it."

Epicurus:  "For fun."

Paul Erdos:  I"t was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle."

Basil Fawlty:  "Oh, don't mind that chicken.  It's from Barcelona."

Pierre de Fermat: "I just don't have room here to give the full explanation."

Gerald R. Ford:  "It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its
                 forward momentum."

Michel Foucault:  "It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left 
                  it no choice; the police state was oppressing it."

Sigmund Freud: "The chicken was obviously female and obviously interpreted 
               the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic 
               symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich."

Robert Frost:  "To cross the road less traveled by."

Zsa Zsa Gabor: "It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which,
               thank goodness, are good, dahling."

Gilligan:  "The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross.  
           If not for the plumage of its peerless tail, the chicken would 
           be lost.  The chicken would be lost!"

Johann Friedrich von Goethe:  "The eternal hen-principle made it do it."

 Continued in next message.

 * My Borg is back, and there's gonna be trouble. Hey la...
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