From:	Andy Schipper 
Sent:	Wednesday, August 05, 1998 9:15 AM
To:	Victor  Shimla
Subject:	FW: 

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were
looking
    for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type
    managers. Here are some of the submittals...

    1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
building
    using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next
Wednesday
    and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.
    2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
encounter. 
    3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?
    4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It
should be used only for company business.
    5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are
more important interfere with it.
    6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No
one
    will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on
    it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you
know
    when it's time to tell them.
    7. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal
that
    only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was
damaged
    and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was
write-protected.
    8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what
'I' say." 
	 9. How About Friday: My sister passed away and her funeral was
    scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss he said she died so
that I
    would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then
asked
    if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be
better for me."
    10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is
not
    going to discuss it with the employees."
    11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying:
"This
    is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the
    subject mentioned above."
    12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
    concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow
would
    be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have
waited
    until tomorrow to ask for it!"