-----Original Message-----
From:	Arik Kalininsky [SMTP:arik@array.ca]
Sent:	Monday, August 31, 1998 9:59 AM
To:	Victor  Shimla
Subject:	Enjoy!!! (fwd)
It seems that when the good Lord was making the 
world, he called Man aside and bestowed upon him 
20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified, 
but the Creator refused to budge.
Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20 
years. "But I don't need 20 years," said the 
Monkey."Ten years is plenty." 
Man spoke up and said, "May I have the other 10 years?" 
The Monkey agreed.
The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him 
20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so 
again Man spoke up, "May I have your other ten years?"
"Of course," said the Lion.
Then came the Donkey, who was also granted 20 
years. Like the others, 10 was more than enough. 
Man again asked for the spare ten years, and he got them.
This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex 
life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of 
lion bout it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself.
_______________________________


Seems the town mailman was retiring after 27 years with the post
office.  On his last day one of the women on his route stopped him to
comment on how much she would miss seeing him.  She then invited him
in
to give him something.  She handed him $1 and invited him to come
upstairs with her.
After having a satisfying interlude in her bedroom they then came
downstatirs where she fixed him a sumptuous breakfast.
As he was leaving he thanked her for the wonderful morning but asked
why
she did it.  "Oh", she said, "When I told my husband you were retiring
and asked if he had any ideas on what we could give you. He said,
'screw
him, give him a dollar'. but the breakfast was my idea.
______________________________

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a
salesman. 
He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had 
had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be
his last.   
Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best
cough 
syrup. Try as he might, John could not find the cough syrup.
Remembering 
Bob's warning, he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it

all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and

leaned against a lamp post.
Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had
transpired.  
"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough
syrup. 
I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John
explained.
"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp
post. 
"Look at him. He's afraid to cough."
___________________________

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would
see
walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer
walking
along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud
"THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. 
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest
hitchhiking.
He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked
the
priest, "Where are you going, Father?". "I'm going to the church 5
miles
down the road!", replied the priest. "No problem, Father!  I'll give
you a
lift. Climb in the truck". 
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver
continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer
walking
down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he
remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last
minute
he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. However,
even
though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud
"THUD".
Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors
and
when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm
sorry
Father. I almost hit that lawyer".
"That's okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"