From:	Andy Schipper
Sent:	Monday, September 28, 1998 9:37 AM
To:	Andrea Leach; David Bateson; Greg Hammond; Heather Stuart-Obee;
John Prostran; Katherine Stoll; Lori Dermott; Tajinder Toor; Teresa
DaSilva; Victor  Shimla; Cat-in-the-Hat; Deste; KennyV; Kermit;
Sandra; Se=E1n
Subject:	FW: Weight loss

So just EXACTLY what is a BITCH  ?????

          B abe
          I in
          T otal
          C ontrol of
          H erself

          So ladies...next time someone calls you a BITCH......
          smile and say......why, thank you!!!
-----------------------------------------
Military Squawk Sheets are maintenance forms filed by the flight
crews to
inform maintenance crews of problems with the aircraft. Here are
some
examples of complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the
replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

Solution: Almost replaced left main inside tyre.

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: The autopilot doesn't.

Signed off: IT DOES NOW.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.

Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.

Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: DME volume unbelievable loud.

Solution: Volume set to more believable level.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.

Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
descent.

Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem: IFF inoperative.

Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem: Number three engine missing.

Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

=
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---
The Spelling Bee...Dan Quayle, Frank Gifford and Bill Clinton were
in a spelling contest.
Unbelievably, Dan Quayle won! He was the only one of the three who
knew that 'harass' was one word.
=
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---
A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks
around and finally stops to watch a
fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest =
if
he would like to join him for a couple of
hours. The priest agrees. The fisherman asks if the priest has ever
fished before, to which the priest says no. He
baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot father". After a few
minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and
struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says "Whoa, look at
that fucker!
"Priest: "Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?"
Fisherman: (THINKING QUICKLY) "I'm sorry father, but that's what this
fish is called - a fucker!"
Priest: "Oh, I'm sorry - I didn't know." After the trip, the priest
brings the fish to the church and spots the bishop.
Priest: "Look at this big fucker"
Bishop: "Please, mind your language, this is a house of God."
Priest: "No, you don't understand - that's what this fish is called,
and I caught it. I caught this fucker!"
Bishop: "Hmmm. You know, I could clean this fucker and we could have
it for dinner."
So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to the head
mother.
Bishop: "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?"
Head Mother: "My lord, what language!"
Bishop: "No, sister, that's what the fish is called - a fucker! =
Father
caught it, I cleaned it, and we'd like you to cook it."
Head Mother: "Hmmm. Yes, I'll cook that fucker tonight." Well, the
Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and
they all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it.
Priest: "I caught the fucker!"
Bishop: "And I cleaned the fucker!"
Head Mother: "And I cooked the fucker!"
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then =
lets
out a huge fart, takes off his hat, puts his feet up on
the table, lights up a spliff, pours himself a large whiskey and =
says,
"You know, you cunts are all right."
=
-=3D--------------------------------------------------------------------=

-------------
It is near the end of the school year.  The teacher has turned
in her grades.  There is really nothing to do.  All the kids
are restless and it is near the end of the day.
The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first =
and
correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here.
I'm smart and will answer the question".
The teacher asked, "Who said 'For Score and Seven Years Ago'?
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham
Lincoln".  The teacher said, "That's right Susie.  You can go".
Johnny was MAD.
The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?"  Before Johnny
could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King".  The
teacher said, "That's right Mary.  You can go".  Johnny was =
even
MADDER than before.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do
for you, but what you can do for your country'?"  Before Johnny
could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy".  The teacher
said, "That's right Nancy.  You can go".  Johnny was BOILING
MAD.
Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish =
these
bitches would keep their mouths shut".
The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny shouts "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"