Ä Area: N-COMEDY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
  Msg#: 777                                          Date: 05-03-94  20:25
  From: Doug Ward                                    Read: Yes    Replied: No 
    To: All                                          Mark:                     
  Subj: Gags /2
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ

Back when I was in high school a friend of mine, Robert, hurt his back
while rolling his car and had to wear a plaster cast around his torso,
from just under his armpits to a few inches below the navel.  When he wore
a jacket it was impossible to tell he had on a body cast.  Now, for
maximum effect you have to picture Robert.  He was a tall beanpole with
hair down to his butt (this was around 1975), a scraggly beard, John
Lennon type glasses with blue tinted lenses, and old clothes.  One day we
decide to go on a picnic at a local park.  So here we have 4 hippies
in a park surrounded by families, when Robert grabs a large butcher
knife, jumps up, yells 'GODDAMN IT I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE', and
plunges the knife into his chest.  This was followed by some very
dramatic histronics as he fell to the ground, ending up on his back
with the knife sticking up in the air.  Well, the three of us knew
the knife was really in the cast, not his chest, so we double up
laughing as these families are looking on in shock.  I'll never forget
some of the looks on those people's faces.

Good ol Ray decides to do Robert one better.  He grabs the picnic
basket, yells 'lets go!', and runs off to the van.  Naturally we
followed, leaving Robert laying on the ground with the knife sticking
up.  Boy, this really got them families into shock!  Robert realizes
he's suddenly all alone and tries to get up and run after us.  If you
want to see something funny sometime watch someone with 50 pounds
of plaster wrapped around their chest, who can't bend at the waist,
try to get up unassisted off their backs.  Then picture this person
trying to run after a van, in which his 3 buddies are driving off.
Remember, Robert still has this knife sticking out of his chest.
Boy, them families didn't know what the hell was going on.

Anyway, we went down the road 100 yards or so, just enough to scare
the crap out of Robert, and stopped to let him get in the van.  I still
wonder what some of those families thought of that episode.

*********

  I became a somewhat involved spectator in a similar incident...
The biology teacher at my high school, Mr. Evans, was an incurable wit. He
was the one teacher everybody liked. He was the one who made sure that we
dissected Ascaris worms (long white stomach worms) the same day the lunch
room served spaghetti. One day, he fished out a four-foot preserved boa
constrictor and laid it on the floor just inside the biology lab door. Then
he put a preserved frog in its mouth. Then he stood by the door waiting
for
class to start, watching students' reactions as they opened the door. I had
the misfortune to arrive right behind one of the more excitable girls.
(click.) (door opens) AAAAAAAAAAAAK!       She ran right over me!

  Mr. Evans related tales of his college days. He said one of his
professors was a real joker (by HIS standards!) who let his pet tarantula
roam loose in the room during class. You could track its progress by
watching people pick up their feet. He made some ammonium tri-iodide and
painted it on the floor before class. People walk in. BANG! POP! POW! When
you pick up one foot, you have to put the other one down. BAM!

  I always wanted to put some inside the school bell. Ding-BOOM!

*********

  Switch the "MEN" and "WOMEN" signs on a pair of public bathrooms while
they're occupied. Great at airports, hotels, and bars.


-=-
 | AmiQWK 2.2 | Barebear: A very worn teddy bear kept from childhood.

-=- EzyQwk V1.02
 ! Origin: Satellite Connection BBS 707-426-4883 (1:161/607)

 * SLMR 2.1a * This tagline is umop apisdn
-!-
 ž JNet 1.20į1 ž NaNet -41/62/31- TEST PATTERN - Mississauga ON - 905-890-2531