From: Gil Elgez [SMTP:GELG@kastenchase.com] Sent: Tuesday, September 29, 1998 11:25 AM To: Brian K; davemac; David Beron; David Mclachlin; eduardo; leor1; Marc Gauthier; mimtom@idirect.com; miri; Mr Dobrovsky; sharon; vandi; Victor Shimla Subject: FW: Grandad! Super granddad There was this really old guy at an old-timer's dance, and the problem was that he hadn't had any sex for a long time. He'd been dancing with all the grandmas all night, but still hadn't scored. Frustrated, he approached an old grandma and said, "I'm having no luck scoring a woman! How about coming back to my place for a root? I'll give you 20 bucks!" She says, "I'm willing, let's go." They get back to his place and after a bit of foreplay, they head for the bedroom. He loves the sex and can't get over how tight she is for such an old woman. He thinks that she's got to be a virgin. After the wonderful performance, he says, "Wow! Lady, if I had of know you were a virgin, I would have given you 50 bucks." Surprised, she says, "If I had known you were actually going to get an erection, I would have taken my panty hose off!" ________________ Favourite Pastime For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to conduct a survey. So it wouldn't be a boring project, he chose to find out peoples' favourite pastimes. The teacher required that he sample at least 100 people, so he started out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building near the university. He knocked on the first door and a man answered. "Sir, what is your name ?" asked the student "John" "Sir, I'm doing a school study and would like to know what is your favourite pastime ?" "Watching bubbles in bath," Came the reply. He liked the esoteric answer and continued down the hall, until he came to the next door, when he asked again. "Sir, what is your name ?" "Jeff !" "Sir, Would you please tell me your favourite pastime ?" "Watching bubbles in bath," was the answer. Quite amused and confused he went on to ask a good number of people in the building and all of them had the same pastime "watching bubbles in bath." He left the building and walked across the street where there were several row houses to continue the survey. At the first house, he knocked and an attractive college girl opened the door. Our surveyor starts again. "What is your name?" "Bubbles !" _________________________ Restroom Troubles A man walks into a public men's room, His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart. He approaches another man and asks, "Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?" The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man's pants. Next, the man asks him to hold his penis while he pees. The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked. Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his penis back in his pants. "Oh, I can take care of that." the first man says, blowing on his fingers. "I think my nails are dry now." _______________________ Well father...... A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I almost had an affair with a woman." The priest asks, "What do you mean, almost?" "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box." The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave. The priest quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!" "Well, Father, I rubbed up against it - and you said it was the same as putting it in."