From mmmoshko@learn.senecac.on.caTue Apr 16 09:26:40 1996
Date: Tue, 16 Apr 1996 08:35:08 -0400 (EDT)
From: Matee Graphics Server <mmmoshko@learn.senecac.on.ca>
To: mmmoshko@wildstar.net
Subject: add joke...actual newspaper headlines (fwd)



---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 15 Apr 1996 13:17:52 -0400
From: MEIR BALOFSKY <yu147461@YORKU.CA>
To: Multiple recipients of list CHAT94 <CHAT94@YORKU.CA>
Subject: actual newspaper headlines (fwd)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Mon, 8 Apr 1996 20:05:50 -0400 (EDT)
From: LILY FYMAN <yu145255@YorkU.CA>
To: Dale Fyman <DaleFyman@easyinternet.ca>,
    Jonathan Pasher <cv951@freenet.carleton.ca>,
    Sara Gershuni <yu142424@YorkU.CA>, Bracha Aronson <yu129525@YorkU.CA>,
    Meir Bolofsky <yu147461@YorkU.CA>, Sarit Aranov <saranov@yu1.yu.edu>,
    Ilana Katz <yu142050@YorkU.CA>,
    Ilana Grostern <i_grost@alcor.concordia.ca>,
    Ilana Segal <isegal@acs.ryerson.ca>
Cc: yu145006@YorkU.CA
Subject: actual newspaper headlines (fwd)




>                     ACTUAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES
>
>    * Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
>    * Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
>    * Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
>    * House passes gas tax onto senate
>    * Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
>    * Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
>    * William Kelly was fed secretary
>    * Milk drinkers are turning to powder
>    * Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
>    * Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
>    * Farmer bill dies in house
>    * Iraqi head seeks arms
>
>Some become unintentionally suggestive:
>
>    * Queen Mary having bottom scraped
>    * Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
>    * Prostitutes appeal to Pope
>    * Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
>    * NJ judge to rule on nude beach
>    * Child's stool great for use in garden
>    * Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
>    * Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
>    * Organ festival ends in smashing climax
>
>Grammar often botches other headlines:
>
>    * Eye drops off shelf
>    * Squad helps dog bite victim
>    * Dealers will hear car talk at noon
>    * Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
>    * Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
>    * Miners refuse to work after death
>    * Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
>    * Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
>
>Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning
>opposite from the one intended:
>
>    * Never withhold herpes from loved one
>    * Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
>    * Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
>    * Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
>
>Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious:
>
>    * If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
>    * War dims hope for peace
>    * Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
>    * Cold wave linked to temperatures
>    * Child's death ruins couple's holiday
>    * Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
>    * Man is fatally slain
>    * Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
>    * Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
></PRE>
>