Ä Area: N-Comedy ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
  Msg#: 1939                                         Date: 07-16-93  15:03
  From: Rudy Boghina                                 Read: Yes    Replied: No 
    To: All                                          Mark:                     
  Subj: The Holy Grail....   5/12
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Continued from previous message.

 BEDEMIR:  Tell me, what do you do with witches?
 VILLAGER #2:  Burn!
 CROWD:  Burn, burn them up!
 BEDEMIR:  And what do you burn apart from witches?
 VILLAGER #1:  More witches!
 VILLAGER #2:  Wood!
 BEDEMIR:  So, why do witches burn?
     [pause]
 VILLAGER #3:  B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
 BEDEMIR:  Good!
 CROWD:  Oh yeah, yeah...
 BEDEMIR:  So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
 VILLAGER #1:  Build a bridge out of her.
 BEDEMIR:  Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
 VILLAGER #2:  Oh, yeah.
 BEDEMIR:  Does wood sink in water?
 VILLAGER #1:  No, no.
 VILLAGER #2:  It floats!  It floats!
 VILLAGER #1:  Throw her into the pond!
 CROWD:  The pond!
 BEDEMIR:  What also floats in water?
 VILLAGER #1:  Bread!
 VILLAGER #2:  Apples!
 VILLAGER #3:  Very small rocks!
 VILLAGER #1:  Cider!
 VILLAGER #2:  Great gravy!
 VILLAGER #1:  Cherries!
 VILLAGER #2:  Mud!
 VILLAGER #3:  Churches -- churches!
 VILLAGER #2:  Lead -- lead!
 ARTHUR:  A duck.
 CROWD:  Oooh.
 BEDEMIR:  Exactly!  So, logically...,
 VILLAGER #1:  If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.
 BEDEMIR:  And therefore--?
 VILLAGER #1:  A witch!
 CROWD:  A witch!
 BEDEMIR:  We shall use my larger scales!
     [yelling]
 BEDEMIR:  Right, remove the supports!
     [whop]
     [creak]
 CROWD:  A witch!  A witch!
 WITCH:  It's a fair cop.
 CROWD:  Burn her!  Burn!  [yelling]
 BEDEMIR:  Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
 ARTHUR:  I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
 BEDEMIR:  My liege!
 ARTHUR:  Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Camelot,
     and join us at the Round Table?
 BEDEMIR:  My liege!  I would be honored.
 ARTHUR:  What is your name?
 BEDEMIR:  Bedemir, my leige.
 ARTHUR:  Then I dub you Sir Bedemir, Knight of the Round Table.

     [Narrative Interlude]

 NARRATOR:  The wise Sir Bedemir was the first to join King Arthur's
     knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow:
     Sir Launcelot the Brave; Sir Galahad the Pure; and Sir Robin the
     Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Launcelot who had nearly fought the Dragon
     of Agnor, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol
     and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill; and
     the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-film.  Together they formed
     a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries,
     the Knights of the Round Table.

 Scene 6

 BEDEMIR:  And that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.
 ARTHUR:  This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedemir.  Explain again how
     sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
 BEDEMIR:  Oh, certainly, sir.
 LAUNCELOT:  Look, my liege!
 ARTHUR:  Camelot!
 GALAHAD:  Camelot!
 LAUNCELOT:  Camelot!
 PATSY:  It's only a model.
 ARTHUR:  Shhh!  Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home.  Let us
     ride... to Camelot.

     [singing]
     We're knights of the round table
     We dance when e'er we're able
     We do routines and parlour scenes
     With footwork impecc-Able.

     We dine well here in Camelot
     We eat ham and jam and spam a lot

 Continued in next message.

 *  "And now, for something completely different..."
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