Ä Area: N-Comedy ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Msg#: 1940 Date: 07-16-93 15:03 From: Rudy Boghina Read: Yes Replied: No To: All Mark: Subj: The Holy Grail.... 6/12 ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Continued from previous message. [dancing] We're knights of the Round Table Our shows are for-mid-able Oh many times we're given rhymes That are quite unsing-able We not so fat in Camelot We sing from the diaphragm a lot [tap-dancing] Oh we're tough and able Quite indefatigable Between our quests we [something] And impersonate Clark Gable It's a bit too loud in Camelot I have to push the pram a lot. ARTHUR: Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot -- it is a silly place. Right. Scene 7 GOD: Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons! Oh, don't grovel! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling. ARTHUR: Sorry-- GOD: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you doing now!? ARTHUR: I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord. GOD: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms -- they're so depressing. Now knock it off! ARTHUR: Yes, Lord. GOD: Right! Arthur, King of the Britons -- you're Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times. ARTHUR: Good idea, oh Lord! GOD: 'Course it's a good idea! Behold! Arthur, this is the Holy Grail. Look well, Arthur, for it is your sacred task to seek this Grail. That is your purpose, Arthur -- the Quest for the Holy Grail. ARTHUR: A blessing! LAUNCELOT: A blessing from the Lord! GALAHAD: God be praised! Scene 8 [clop clop] ARTHUR: Halt! Hallo! Hallo! GUARD: 'Allo! Who is zis? ARTHUR: It is King Arthur, and these are the Knights of the Round Table. Who's castle is this? GUARD: This is the castle of [something] ARTHUR: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. GUARD: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see? ARTHUR: What? GALAHAD: He says they've already got one! ARTHUR: Are you sure he's got one? GUARD: Oh, yes, it's very nice-a (I told him we already got one) ARTHUR: Well, um, can we come up and have a look? GUARD: Of course not! You are English types-a! ARTHUR: Well, what are you then? GUARD: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king! GALAHAD: What are you doing in England? GUARD: Mind your own business! ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force! GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets. Thppppt! GALAHAD: What a strange person. ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man! GUARD: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! GALAHAD: Is there someone else up there we could talk to? GUARD: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a! ARTHUR: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable. GUARD: (Fetch-a da mush.) wha? GUARD: (Fetch-a da mush!) [moo] ARTHUR: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall-- [twong] Continued in next message. * "And now, for something completely different..." -!- ž RoseReader 2.10į P003789 Entered at [CRS] ž RoseMail 2.10į: CRS Online, Toronto, On.