Ä Area: N-COMEDY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
  Msg#: 173                                          Date: 03-29-94  14:26
  From: Robert Smythe                                Read: Yes    Replied: No 
    To: Glen Ketteringham                            Mark:                     
  Subj: Retirement Notice
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Four Attempts!....... damn, I hate wordwrap at times....
lets try again and this time get it all through
-------------------------------------------------
DATE:    September, 1993

Re:     Revised Retirement Plan

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas
and as a result of the Social Contract, we, the Board are
forced to make cutbacks in personnel

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to go on early
retirement,
thus permitting the retention of the younger people who represent our
future.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
current
school year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).

Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other
jobs outside the Board. Provided that they are RAPED they can request
a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes
place.
This phase of the operation is called
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED,
may file an appeal with their Superintendent or Supervisor.
This phase is called SHAFT
(Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be RAPED once,
SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as may times as
the Board deems appropriate.

If an employee follow the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to
get
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or
CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she already has
AIDS (Additional Income from Dependants or Spouse).
As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee
who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be RAPED or SHAFTED
by the Board.

The Board wishes to assure the younger employees who remain employed
with the Board, that it (the Board) will continue its policy to ensure
that
the employees are well trained through its
Special High Intensity Training (SHIT) program.
The Board takes pride in the amount of SHIT its employees receive.
We have given our employees more SHIT than any other Board in the
province.
If any employee feels he/she does not receive enough SHIT on the job,
see
you immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make
sure
you receive all the SHIT you can stand.
--------------------------------------------

Well it's not pretty, but atleast it didn't choke teh
board this time! As you may notice, any term for employer may be
substituted for Board, so this can be used according to current
environmentally friendly terms!

Have a nice day!
Rob
-!-
 ž RoseMail 2.10į: NANET: CRS Online, Toronto, ON, (416) 213-6002