Ä Area: A-Jokes ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
  Msg#: 80                                           Date: 05-20-93  21:38
  From: Sandy Illes                                  Read: Yes    Replied: No 
    To: All                                          Mark:                     
  Subj: AM I DONE YET??? :)
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Three pregnant mothers to be were sitting in a Gynaecologist's waiting
room waiting to be seen.  They were all sitting there knitting babies
jump suits.  Knit one pearl two and all that sort of stuff.

The first pre-mother reached into her knitting bag and pulled out
a little bottle of pills and popped one into her mouth.  The other women
saw this and asked interestly, "what are they for???"
to which the first woman answered "these are calcium pills. .  .
for my babies bones!"

And they all carried on knitting. . . .

The second pre-mother then reached into her knitting bag and pulled
out a little bottle of pills and popped one into her mouth.  The other
two watched intently, and then asked "what are they for ??"
to which the other one replied "these are vitamin B12 pills  . . . .
for my babies beautiful skin!"

And they all carried on knitting . . . . knit one pearl two and all that
sort of stuff.

The third mother to be finally reached into her knitting bag and pulled
out a small bottle of pills and popped one into her mouth.  The
others looked on excitedly and asked "what are they for ??"
to which the last lady replied "these are thalidamide pills . . .
I'll be darned if I can knit sleeves!!!


                            Bad English Translations

Hair cutter and clean shaver. Gentlemen's throats cut with very sharp
razors with great care and skill. No irritating feeling afterwards.
       -- Barbershop notice, Bombay, India

You are invite to visit our restaurant where you can eat the Middle East
Foods in an European ambulance.
       -- Hotel notice, Ankara, Turkey

We have nice bath and are very good in bed.
       -- Hotel brochure, Zurich, Switzerland

No automobiles. Pederasts only.
       -- Hotel courtyard, Barcelona, Spain

If you wish disinfection enacted on your presence please ring for
chambermaid.
       -- Hotel notice, Lisbon, Portugal


Traffic signs, rural Japan:

(1) When a passenger of the foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, tootle him
with vigor;
(2) Beware the wandering horse that he shall not take fright
as you pass him by. Do not explode the exhaust-box ... go smoothingly
by;
(3) Give big space to the festive dog that shall sport in the roadway;
(4) Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.
(Also variously attributed to the Central Police Station in Tokyo, the
brochure of a Tokyo car rental firm, and an English- language Italian
driver's manual.)

In a tourist guide to an amusement park in Kobe, Japan, native writers
gave the following English-language descriptions of the park's "riding
machines":

"Double Loop's Coaster: Two somersaults from twenty-eight meters high.
Can you stand this fear?"

"Viking: Your boat is rolled as if it is a leaf in the stormy sea.
Weightless feeling attacks you!"

"Swing Around: Your body jumps up high and high by repeated space walk."

"Polyp: You will be in a state of stupor by unique motions of an
octopus's paws."

"Dodge 'M: Get a kick by a crazy car against the rules."

"Cinema 2000: Everybody can stand by a forceful screen."

"Tagada: You are jumped as if you are a parched sesame by a dancing
flying pan."

"Magic House: Look! This house overturns! What do you want to do?"

"Air Fighter: Take an aircraft and drop your front one."

"Rock 'n' Roll: After you ride on a can, you are brandished and
inverted."

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