Ä Area: A-Jokes ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
  Msg#: 74                                           Date: 05-20-93  21:33
  From: Sandy Illes                                  Read: Yes    Replied: No 
    To: All                                          Mark:                     
  Subj: JOKES, JOKES, JOKES!
ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
Yesterday I bought a decaffeinated coffee table.  You can't tell by
looking at it.

If I ever have a child i'm going to tell him he's a twin.  I'm going
to buy one of those twin strollers, too.  I'll tell him, "you used to
have a brother, but he didn't listen to me."

   This Englishman walks in a salon of a small town somewhere in the
wild west, and orders a drink. Suddenly, a gangster appears, shooting
left & right and screams "all you scum bags, get out of here".
   The bar becomes empty in a second, save the Englishman, who calmly
carries on to finish his drink.  The gangster looks in the
Englishman's direction;
   "Well?" He says.
   "Well", the Briton replies, "There were certainly quite a lot of
them".

   There was an ancient cult in India that worshiped the goddess Kali.
They were a peaceful sort so they would gather each morning and
sacrifice a watermelon by smashing it in front of the giant statue of
the goddess.  And of course they would all sing "Here's another melon
Kali baby...."

   Two orthodox jews walked past a catholic church, and they decide to
peek in.  Inside they see a row of women up in front taking the oaths
to become nuns.
   One says, "Those women are becoming the brides of christ."
   The other replies, "Let's go in and have a look."
   They sneak inside quietly and plop down in a back pew, but with
their earlocks, beards, and black suits they don't escape the eye of
one of the ushers who comes back towards them in a huff.
  "What are you two doing in here????"
   "We're from the groom's side."


Bush, Gorbachev, and Mitterand are making small-talk before a meeting
about the world economy.

Mitterand says, "My friends, I am so worried. I have nine mistresses
and one of them is cheating on me."

Then Bush says, "That's terrible, but I have a worse problem. I have
nine cabinet members, and one of them is a KGB agent."

Gorbachev shakes his head sadly and says, "My friends, you don't know
what trouble is. I have nine trusted advisors, and one of them is an
economist."

A man went to a fortune teller who looked into her crystal ball and
told him, "You will be poor and unhappy until you are 45 years old."

"Then what will happen?" the man asked hopefully.
"Then you'll get used to it," she replied."

Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones says the band members are getting
ready to go out on tour again. I guess those travel discounts for
senior citizens are just too good to pass up.

Two tourists visiting Washington were sitting in the observers'
gallery watching various congressmen engaged in shouting matches,
turning red in the face and gesticulating wildly. One said to the
other, "This must be what they mean by `political asylum."'

Have you noticed that political speeches are a lot like buying a car?
They're infinite promises with limited warranties.
-!-
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