From: Jokeshelp@jokes4u.com
Subject: Jokes4U Humor Ezine Monday November 23, 1998

A DARK & STORMY NIGHT
One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her
small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked  with a
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" 

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said "I
have to sleep in daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice, "The big
sissy."




Word Wierdness
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Gene Police: YOU! Out of the pool.

Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure.

What if there were no hypothetical question?




The world's easiest quiz
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
1.How long did the Hundred Years War last? 
2.Which country makes Panama hats? 
3.From which animal do we get catgut? 
4.In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 
5.What is a camel's hair brush made of? 
6.The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 
7.What was King George VI's first name? 
8.What color is a purple finch? 
9.Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 
10.How long did the Thirty Years War last? 








                YOU KNOW YOU'RE TOO STRESSED IF...

        You wonder if brewing is really a necessary
        step for the consumption of coffee.

        You say the same sentence over and over again,
        not realizing that you have said it before.

        You can hear mimes.

        You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.



* The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic church. When
deciding if someone should be sainted, a devil's advocate is always appointed
to give an alternative view.




SPELLING
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if
he can spell 'before'. He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." 

The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" 

Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." 

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Tyrone, can you
spell 'before'?" 

Tyrone stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." 

"Excellent Tyrone, now can you use it in a sentence?" 
Tyrone says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore." 




Actual Headlines
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
1.  Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
2.  Eye Drops Off Shelf                    
3.  Teachers Strike Idle Kids
4.  Clinton Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
5.  Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
6.  Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
7.  Miners Refuse To Work After Death
8.  Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
9.  Stolen Painting Found By Tree
10. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter