From: Jokeshelp@jokes4u.com
Subject: Jokes4U Humor Ezine Thursday November 26, 1998


THANKSGIVING
*----------*
It's the day before Thanksgiving and the butcher is just locking up whena
man pounds on the door.  "Please let me in," says the man, "I forgot to buy
a turkey and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.

"O-kay," says the butcher.  "Let me see what's left."  He goes into the
freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left.  He brings
it out to show the man.

"That one's too skinny.  What else have you got"? says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes
then brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh no," says the man, "that one doesn't look any better.  You better give
me both of them."

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs.  She gave each kid
in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the
rest:

* Love All, Trust.. Me

* The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

* An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.

* Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.

* Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!



Bank Clerk
*---*
 The bank manager noticed the new clerk was quite skillful at counting 
money and adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" 
he asked.

"Yale," replied the lad.

"And what's your name?" asked the manager.

"Yim Yohnston," he replied.




Cynics Central
*-----
 * What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of
   bald men?
 
 * What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?
 
 * If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to
   be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
 
 * Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals
   throw hamburgers?
 
 * Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck
   together?
 
 * Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?





Comprehending Engineers
*****
 Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer.  Just look at all the joints."

 Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems
has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said,
"Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste
pipeline through a recreational area?"




Children's Letters to God
------------------
Dear GOD,

My brother is a rat.  You should give him a tail.  Ha ha.
-Danny
---------

Dear GOD,

Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own
rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry