To: Subscribers@jokes4u.com From: Jokeshelp@jokes4u.com Subject: Jokes4U Humor Ezine Friday November 27, 1998 The BIG HOLE *---* Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep." "Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is." They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise "Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing. They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT thing in, it's GOTTA make some noise." The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole. Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole. The two men are astonished with what they've just seen... Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two guys seen my goat out here?" "You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!" "Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie." Comprehending Engineers ***** A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?" Cynics Central *----- * Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? * Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it. * Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? * Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? * Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? * Whatever happened to Absorbine Senior? A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest: * Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty. * No News Is... Impossible. * A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr. * You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math. * If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning. Children's Letters to God ------------------ Dear GOD, I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan --------- Dear GOD, If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Mickey D. --------- Dear GOD, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. -Sincerely, Donna