Ä Area: N-COMEDY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Msg#: 226 Date: 04-01-94 07:07 From: Cheryl Penner Read: Yes Replied: No To: All Mark: Subj: 5 things a woman shouldn' ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ @SUBJECT:5 things a woman shouldn't ask a guy continued N DO YOU THINK SHE IS PRETTIER THAN ME? The "she" in question could be an ex-girlfriends, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include: a - not prettier, just pretty in a different way b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things c - yes, but I bet you have a better personality d - only in the sense that she's younger and thinnger e - could you repeat the question - I was thinking about your insurance policy WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I DIED? Correct Answer: Dearest Love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way". This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid exchange: "Dear, what would you do if I died?" "Why dear I would be extremely upset", said the husband, "Why do you ask such a question?" "Would you remarry? persevered the wife. "No of course not, dear" said the husband. "Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear." he said. "Then why wouldn't you remarry?" "Alright, I'll remarry" said the husband. "You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband. "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. "Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. "I see, said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?" " I suppose if she wanted to" said the husband. "Really" said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?" "Yes I think that would be the correct thing to do". "Is that so" said the wife, leaping to her feet "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs too". "Of course not dear", said the husband, "She's left handed..." -!- þ RoseMail 2.10á: Nanet - The Little Room BBS Cobourg Ont 416-372-0633 Ä Area: N-COMEDY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Msg#: 245 Date: 04-03-94 18:07 From: Rudy Boghina Read: Yes Replied: No To: All Mark: Subj: Big mama... ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ A small boy and his father are in an art gallery. As they walk along, the little boy spies an IMMENSE woman walking in front of them. "Dad! Dad! Look at that fat woman! I've never seen anyone so fat!" he cries. The father quickly turns and shushes him, "Hush! You shouldn't talk about people that way. Now be quiet!" They walk on a little more, but the kid cannot take his eyes off this fat woman. "Dad! How can anyone stand to be that fat?" the boy says. "Shut up! You're embarrassing me and her. Now shut it!" replies the father. They walk on a little more, and the boy is pretty quiet, when all of a sudden the fat woman's pager goes off: beep, beep, beep, beep. The boy runs at his father and shoves him to one side, screaming, "Look out dad, she's backing up!" Rudy Boghina /\!/\ /®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯\ ðððððððððððððð |* 0 *|  INTERNET: rudy.boghina@canrem.com  Toronto, Canada \/|\/ \®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®®¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯/ * The Official Offline Reader of The Lunatic Fringe! -!- þ RoseReader 2.10á P003789 Entered at [CRS] þ RoseMail 2.10á: NANET: CRS Online, Toronto, ON, (416) 213-6002 Ä Area: N-COMEDY ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ Msg#: 229 Date: 04-02-94 02:05 From: Chris Kraucunas Read: Yes Replied: No To: All Mark: Subj: Blondes ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ How do you brainwash a blonde? Give her a douche and shake her upside down. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Three. One to mix the batter, and two to squeeze the rabbit. What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? Divorced. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant. Why did God create blondes? Because sheep couldn't bring beer from the fridge. Why did He create other women? Neither could the blondes. Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a horse? So they won't take a dump in the streets. -!- þ TriNet: þNANETþNorth Of Toronto BBSþ(905)775-9278þBradfordþFREE/24h/14.4/CDþ