From:	Babita Duggal 
Sent:	Wednesday, September 02, 1998 9:16 AM
To:	Tajinder Toor; Greg Hammond; Victor  Shimla
Subject:	FW: Monday Morning Jokes

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a
subway seat next to a priest.  The man's tie was
stained, his face was plastered with red
lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out
of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and
began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy
turned to the priest and asked,
"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap,
wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow
man."
"Well I'll be damned."  the drunk muttered, returning to his
paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged
the man and apologized.  "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean
to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father.  I was just reading here that the
Pope does."
****************
This guy goes to a grocery store and asks the clerk
behind the counter for two cans of dog food.
"Do you have a dog?" asked the clerk.
"Yes I do!" replied the puzzled customer.
"I'm sorry sir" said the clerk "but you're going to have
to prove to me that you have a dog before I can sell you dog
food."
Back home went the frustrated customer to get his
dog and pulled  it on its leash all the way back to the store.
"Here's my dog!" weezed the tired  customer.
"Thank you sir, here is your two cans of dog food."
Two days later the guy returns to the same store and
goes up to the same clerk and says:
"Two cans of cat food please."
"Do you have a cat sir?"
"Of course I do!" said the exasperated customer.
"I'm sorry sir but I have to see your cat before I can sell you
cat food."
The guy storms out of the store, goes home, grabs
his cat, drags it back to the store and holds up the cat
by it's tail for the clerk to see.
"Thank you sir here is your two cans of cat food."
The very next day. The guy returns to the store,
approches the clerk and places on the counter a white
shoebox with a small hole on the cover.
"Yes sir", asked the clerk, "what can I do for you?"
"Put your finger in the hole" ordered the customer.
"I beg your pardon?" said the clerk.
"Do as I say!" ordered the guy.
Cautiously the clerk slid his finger all the way in the hole.
"Pull it out and tell me what it looks like!" said the guy
"It looks like SHIT!" said the disgusted clerk; to which
the customer replied  "THAT'S RIGHT!!, Now give me
two rolls of toilet paper!"