From dezylva@direct.ca Sun Apr 20 23:40:53 1997 Date: Thu, 27 Mar 1997 20:34:23 -0800 (PST) From: Mike To: mmmoshko@wildstar.net Subject: opsnotices If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure? Is thers another word for synonym? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? When sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their signs? When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food? Why do they report power outages on TV? What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant? Is it possible to be totally partial? What's another word for thesaurus? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? Why do people who know it the least know it the loudest? If the funeral procession is at night, do folks driver with their headlights off? If a stealth bomber crashes in the forest, will it make a sound? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it homeless or naked? When it rains, why don't sheep shrink? Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why is the word abbreviation so long? When companies ship styrofoam, what do they pack it in? If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read alright? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstates in Hawaii? If you shoot a mime, do you need a silencer? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work? If the 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why does it have locks on the door? If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose? You know how most packages say, "Open Here"? What should you do if the packages says, "Open There"? Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-through ATM? You know that indestructible little black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane? Why do noses run and feet smell?