From:	Arik Kalininsky [SMTP:arik@array.ca]
Sent:	Tuesday, October 06, 1998 1:44 PM
To:	Victor  Shimla
Subject:	Have some fun!!! (fwd)

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick.
So  she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man planning to
screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of
the half-century age difference.  On the first night of her honeymoon,
she
got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come
to bed.
When he emerged, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a
12 inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and noseplugs.
Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't
stand - the sound of a woman screaming and the smell of burning
rubber."
*****************************************************
The whales 
A male whale and his mate were swimming around in the ocean, when all
of a sudden, the male whale catches sight of a whaling vessel in the
distance. 
He takes a closer look, and recognizes it as the ship that
harpooned his parents many years ago. So, he turns to his girlfriend
and tells her that he wants to avenge the death of his parents.
She hesitates, knowing that they could become the next victims of
the vessel, but he reassures her and tells her that he has been
planning this all of his life, and he swims over and whispers the plan
to her.
So, she agrees and they swim up under one side of the boat, and
they both start blowing air through their blow holes. The boat starts
to rock back-and-forth, and the sailors on the ship are scrambling all
over the deck.
Finally the boat tips over, and the sailors are scattered through
the ocean. The male whale is delighted and starts to gobble up the
sailors, but the female whale starts to swim away.
So the male whale swims over to her, and asks her what is wrong.
She huffs and puffs and says, "I agreed to the blow job, but there
is no way I'm going to swallow seamen."
__________
Retirement of an old Friend: (so says the PND)
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out,
What used to be my Sex Appeal,
Is now my water spout,

Time was when of it's own accord,
From trousers it would spring,
But now I have a full time job,
To find the bloody thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave,
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave,

As my old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang it's withered head,
And watch me tie my shoes:
________
After many years of collecting data, Cambridge sex researchers have
determined that the human penis may be classified according to one of
five
basic size groups: small, medium, large, "Oh my God!" and "Does that
come in white?" 
________
This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to
get an urgent message to my mother in Europe." 
The clerk says it will be $100.
She replies "But I don't have any money.... and I must get a message
to
her, it's urgent!...  I'll do anything to get a message to her." 
The clerk replies "Anything?"
Yes.... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde. 
He leads her back to his office and closes the door.  He tells her to
kneel in front of  him. "Unzip me..." 
She does. "Take it out..... Go ahead."
She does this as well.  She looks up at him, his member in her hands.
and
he says "Well... go ahead.. do it..
" She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?.... Mom?"