From:	muddymudskipper [SMTP:sblumenf@acs.ryerson.ca]
Sent:	Tuesday, November 19, 1996 5:19 PM
To:	vic ve-israel; thumping squirrel; the man; stimpyfan;
sheepshagger; ronit; pool cue; naomi; little redhead; jennie; =
glorious
gloria; fishy woman; emailaddict; either golden ring or e.z
blusher...you make the choise; beautiful lady or is it tori?; 5 year
old cutie
Subject:	Some more jokes..... (fwd)
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THINGS TO DO ON AN EXAM WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO FAIL IT
ANYWAYS!
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1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've =
got
the secret documents!!"=20
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2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud,
debate your answers with=20
yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that
you can hear me thinking."=20
Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.=20
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3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.=20
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4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to
answer every question.=20
For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that =
it
conflicts with my=20
religious beliefs. Be creative.=20
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5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh
of relief. Go to the=20
instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and
run off.=20
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6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very
small pieces, throw=20
them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really
daring, ask for another=20
copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process
every 15 min.=20
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7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your
head, and nothing else.=20
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8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the =
exam.
Be as vulgar as possible.=20
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9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking.
Blame it on the person=20
nearest to you.=20
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10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.=20
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11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another
seat, continue with=20
the exam.=20
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12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, =
start
commenting on how easy=20
it was.=20
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13. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the
instructor
that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one
hour to go drink.)=20
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14. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point
during
the exam, you should start crying for mommy).=20
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15. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.=20
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16. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put
on a
white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera"
until they drag you away.=20
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17. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest =
proofs
you
could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most
equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own =
life
story.=20
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20. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.=20
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21. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to
you.
Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.=20
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22. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks,
chairs,
anything you can reach.=20
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23. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.=20
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24. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 =
rice
cakes
into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.=20
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25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly =
say
to the instructor,=20
"I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all
semester long!=20
What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular =
guy?"
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26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one,
make one up!=20
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27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and
answers completely blacked out.=20
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28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks
why, tell him/her in a=20
very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head
when I get an idea is=20
hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"=20
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29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
Ignore the instructor's=20
requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one =
way
or another, begin=20
whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.=20
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30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any
question, ask for the=20
answer. Try to work it out of him/her.=20
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31.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
minutes.
Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish
work. Turn it in a few=20
minutes early.=20
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32.If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is =
long
answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. =
Use
the integral symbol.=20
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33.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the
instructor's left
nostril.=20
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34.Bring cheerleaders.=20
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35.Bring pets.=20
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36.Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.=20
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37.Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be
taping
your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let
them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage
of the profits if they are allowed to stay.=20
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38.Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false.
If it
is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB.
BABE. etc..).=20
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39.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know
the
class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you
belonged. Claim that you=20
have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.=20
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40.Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, =
say
"you
don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel?
Neighbours!!!"=20
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41.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.=20
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42.Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.=20
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43.Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through
the
exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad
circulation.=20
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44.Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is
obvious... like
history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just
failing, you're=20
getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the
comment "Please use=20
the attached notes for references as you see fit."=20
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45.When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.=20
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46.Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like
they do
before concerts start.=20
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47.Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.=20
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48.Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc...
sent to
you every few minutes throughout the exam.=20
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49.During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, =
chairs,
anything you can reach.=20
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50.Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a
90
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degree angle.=20
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51.Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you
are
asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student
Handbook with you,=20
challenging the instructor to find the section on musical
instruments during finals.=20
Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".=20
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52.Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx
Sucks"
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53.Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person
next
to you as if he\she did it.=20
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54.Write a short story about your childhood, or an experience that
you
once had. If you can't think of anything, make something up. Be
creative.
End the story with "I just thought I should tell you."=20
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55.Wear a mask or costume, pretend that you really DO think that
you're
someone else.=20
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56.Play loud music.=20
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57.When you turn in your test, take all the ones under it and throw
them
away or keep them or put your name on some of them. Do it casually,
as if that's what=20
you are supposed to do after an exam.=20
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58.Dress like the professor.=20
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59.Cross-Dress.=20
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60.Borrow a friend's Video taping equipment and set up a lot of
lights and
a camera around your desk. Call out instructions to imaginary =
people
who are supposed to=20
be working the equipment.=20
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61.Two words: Plastic Explosives.=20
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62.Bring food or Drinks, pass them out to the class as if you're
supposed
to be giving samples for a fund raiser. Use the words "Would you =
buy
something like=20
this if we had a bake sale?" It doesn't matter if they are baked
goods or not.=20
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63.Trip people as they walk by your desk.=20
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64.Read all the questions out loud like Rain Man.=20
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65.Walk around the room and ask people if there is anything that =
you
can
help them with. Speak loudly stutter and spit. Make a show of it.=20
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66.Make several origami animals out of the test papers. Re-enact
scenes
from your favorite soap opera with them.=20
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67.In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the =
classroom,
tag
your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher
asks what's going on,=20
calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.=20
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68.Order catering. The catering company should come in about =
halfway
through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight
carts of food, and=20
five candelabras.=20
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69.Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's
double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number
three, E...."=20

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